post one: the importance of a mom
I graduated from UCSB three years ago with a degree in chemistry. I have always worked really hard at school – I was that girl voted “Most Likely to Succeed.” I had planned on going to medical school and “becoming something.”
Then… I met my husband, Matthew. Now though I hadn’t planned on getting married at 22… I was still able to become something. We planned to continue on in school together. Then… shock of all shock… I was pregnant. I was on the pill… so this isn’t what was supposed to happen. But it did… and life took a turn I hadn’t quite planned on.
I struggled with it at first. I had been told my whole life that I was going to “be somebody”…. whatever that means. Then my son, Dylan was born… and my life was no longer about me. It was about how I would love, care for and grow this little life that God blessed me with. He is my goal. He is my boy. I can see nothing more than that…
People give me about 3 months and then begin to ask me when I am returning to school. When will I continue on in my path of success (the detour had apparently already taken too long). They were sure I wouldn’t want to “waste” my brain and wither into oblivion. Because, don’t you know… “you can have it all.”
Let me pause to say… yes YOU can have it all… but your, husband, children or work won’t. You cannot be a full time mother who gives her child/ren all of the time they need, a wife who loves on her husband and gives him the love and care that he deserves and a full time career woman – something’s got to give.
With that said, I made my choice. I choose to be a wife and mom. This is not to say that a woman who chooses to work is making bad choices. Everyone needs to make the choice that fits the needs and abilities that they have. This is to say that I am sick and tired of people looking down on moms who choose their families over their careers. As though we are somehow less “empowered”… being empowered means knowing my worth. It does not mean stepping on everyone else in order to insure I get everything I want or think that I “deserve.” It means that I am confident enough to make my husband dinner, do the laundry, and take care of my kids without feeling like I am being subjugated. It means that I love my husband and children and know that they value me too.
My point is this. Whatever it is you do, stay at home or go to work… if your motives are for the good of your family and not focused solely on yourself… I commend you.
post two: appreciation for a loved one
When Claudia asked me to write this blog… I honestly had no idea what I was going to say. And then I looked at something on Facebook that I had reposted:
...this in your status with your wedding date..... Later I saw that Claudia had done the same thing. And then I read a comment that a mutual friend of ours, Adam, had written… “It’s about time we get some recognition”… this set me to thinking…thinking about our husbands and fathers. And Adam is completely right.♥ 12/22/06 ♥...this in your status with your wedding date..... ♥ 12/22/06 ♥
When you watch TV, the husband/father is always portrayed as some lay about moron - more concerned with his television, sports and beer than with his own family. Ever taken a good look at the card selection during Father’s Day? All of the cards talk about a dad’s worth amounting to allowance, being a remote king, or having a beer belly. While Mother’s day cards gush about the importance of a mom and how amazing they are. Now I, being a mom and having a mother who is also my best friend, knows how important a good mom is. But I am also married to a wonderful man and have a father who will always be my “daddy”. And I wonder why no consideration is given to the men who….
get up at 4 am to schlep to work in order to provide for their families – without complaint, love on their wives regardless of whatever mood she might be in. To the dads who are the strongest shoulder their daughter’s may ever lean on. The dads who are an amazing role model to their sons. The husband’s who take out the garbage or kill those wretched spiders creeping about.
I know that there are some shmucky guys out there… but a few bad eggs shouldn’t make it so all men are discounted or go without recognition. So, if you have a husband who is your love and best friend… give him a kiss tonight and let him know! It’s about time he got some recognition .