2/20/13

When Adults Act 9

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For children, friendships grow and friendships end. Children get over it pretty easily and tend to never give it a second thought. Us adults though, can't seem to do the same. Most of the time we allow things to build up to a boiling point and then it just blows up out of context.  Text messages dont help nor does being tired and sick.
I am only going into this as a way to vent, get out of my system and stop dwelling over it. I guess that is where i am at now...



A while back i met someone. I really wasn't interested in a friendship, and to be honest was very rude towards this person. Still, she would talk to my kids and make her self known whenever we were in the same places together. One afternoon at a bbq, April was bitten by a dog. She kept calm, helped to make my daughter feel better and a friendship grew from there. At first the friendship was pretty equal, we did for each other, hung out a few times a week and enjoyed each others company. At that time i was making poor choices, choices she was making in her life too... partner in crime. When i choose to walk away from my poor choices, a strain was put on our friendship. I would go to her work a few hours each day she was working, i would go out anytime she wanted and take time away from my family. Not good i know.

After my best friend, sister in Christ and well someone i look up to stopped their friendship with her and i defended her. Being that she has no kids she couldn't understand the differences in lifestyles. Soon after i stopped hanging out at her work, and going out so often, we barely seen each other. She attended one of my kids party at which she got pissy because it wasn't about her. She wanted to be more involved. Pretty much all contact stopped. We haven't really hung together in more than a year. No text no contact ( except for a fundraiser) nothing.

What's the problem you may ask?? Well i am a person of my word, and even in times when i can be forgetful or life happens i tend to try to stick to it.

I get a text message out of the blue, "hey it's ..... , i hate to ask, but do you think you can pay me pack the money you owe me?" Now i remember borrowing money for 2 different bills that during a very hard time she helped pay, but i paid those back within a few days once the hubs got his check. It being over a year since hanging out with her i couldn't remember anything i could owe her for. We always paid for each others lunches or movies. BIngo games or starbucks, we just took turns. So i asked to be reminded. She was asking for money from over two years ago. $10 bucks here when we went to dinner, $5 dollars there when we got starbucks,  so on and so on. She said over our friendship it equaled something like $50. She said if i didn't remember she wouldnt push it but she was in a pinch and i said no worries i would try to pay her the next day. This was V-day...  on Vday i ended up having to pick up Havanna early from school because she was running a 103+ fever. Poor thing had to miss her class party. After no sleep came Friday  and it got busy with girl scouts stuff and a MLS game that me and April were attending with her team. Another late night with two sick children now and the hubs coming down with something made Saturday hectic. Booth sales for girls scouts, Havanna being a trooper went , and me having a fever right after. Fun weekend ... not !Come Sunday morning my whole house is sick, Havanna with a double ear infections, the other three with a cold, and then there was me and the hubs with flu like symptoms.

I see a text Sunday morning "dont worry about the money... im kind of over it now." Which i respond to with, "i got a little busy i'll put it in your account " which got a response from her saying"im over it ... divide it up and give it to the kids" I say "it will be put in the bank tues. when its opens. Please no longer contact me." Which caught me with more rudeness.. asking what my problem was and so forth and so on ending with ... "i dont even care." I explained we hadn't been friends so there is no point in continuing. I said have a nice life and that was the end of it. Got another text weds morning saying "you lied im over it ....keep the damn money! you need it more than me"

So i will admit, i was super busy taking care of my family and myself, i put her on the back burner because she said to forget about it, and she wasn't a thought in my mind at the moment. Long weekend, no sleep and feeling yucky made me just go off. I told her she didnt know what it was to be a mom and couldnt understand how your mind thinks of no one else but your children when you worry about them. All she could say was i could have sent her a text. She just doesnt get it. I woke up one day to see my kid bleeding, feeling helpless and scared, and sick myself. I wasn't in worry about her state of mind. I was worrying about my kids.


Now i am at the point were my kids are feeling better, i am getting there, the hubs is working through it, and i have a little time to think. Now though, i don't want to pay her back. I don't care to keep my word with someone who just simply doesn't care. I figured, even though i didn't recall after almost two years this money she said i owed, that she needed it and i would give it. But now after being rude, her saying forget about it many times and just out right annoying me, i don't want to pay her a thing. It is wrong of me I know.

So now what do i do ??? Pay her and be done with her? Follow her last text to forget about it, and run the risk of her starting it all up again? Knowing that i didn't keep my word, even though it is just this once might bug me more than how she has acted.. ill have to put some real thought to this...

I have to walk away from this knowing my children can learn from it. Making it an easy choice... pay her and be done and wish her the best. No more money between friends even when it is a "gift" or their turn to treat.


6 comments:

  1. Hi, Nice post thanks for sharing. Would you please consider adding a link to my website on your page. Please email me back.

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  3. Just pay the B and be done. I know that whole "people withou kids" thing. I've lived it. I stilly got into an argument with people because they (people that don't have kids) truley don't understand the lives we live, physically and mentally. No matter how much they say they get it they don't. Not to knock them for not having kids but really... They don't understand. Just give her her money and be done. Shit even give a tip to shut her up. ;) u have my number I'm here if u need a friend who understands what it's like to have kids ;) ❤gen

    ReplyDelete
  4. Genny
    Thanks for the support, you've always been so sweet! Hey if i haven't told your photos look aaaammazing

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hey Beautiful I agree with Genny. BTW asking for the money, was her way of "trying" to be included in your life again. You would have to "talk/text" to her, then she would respond. But with life happening all around, it blew up in her face. You can never tell what will happen, you hope for the best, and plan for the worst.

    I may not have kids of my own, but I took care of someone else's for 4 years, I know how life changes in a heart beat if something happens to one of them. Don't sweat her, or her shit. You are an amazing mom. I love that you are so involved in each of their lives. That is something SHE will never know, or understand. Pay her back, have a clear conscience, and truly be done with her.

    Happy Spring,

    Love Ya Cat

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  6. Update,

    I have paid her back, and asked for no further contact. It is sad the way she went about things. I can only hope for the best for her, and god willing, she will have a better go at life. I cant speak for others when it comes to salvaging friendships, i can only speak for me. You have to be worth taking time away from my children for me to have a want to deal with drama. Thanks ladies <3

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