11/17/10

A moment as me and not mommy

I have this moment far and few in between, but i have it. Do you ever sit and think while its quiet or your alone what life was like before children? Do you ever take that trip down memory lane, bask in the what could have been's ? I do sometimes and let me say this before anything else... I would rather be no where else then where i am at this very moment.

Before i met my hubs i was in school triple majoring in ECE, working two jobs, finishing high school and singing on the side (all at 18). When we got serious a few things dwindled off not because they had to but because my time and wants changed. I stopped singing early in the relationship due to not wanting to be what they wanted me to be, a sex object. I left school just short of graduating with my triple major (meaning a semester or two) because i was pregnant and super sick, and i no longer worked unless i found something i enjoyed because he wanted to take care of me(a first in my life). So i sometimes wonder what if?

What would have happened if i would have released the CD i was working on? What if i would have continued in school, publish the book of poetry i was working on or any of the other million and one things i was doing. When i jump back into reality and look at any one of my blessing I'm astonished with my self for even thinking about the what if's. I remind myself how much trouble some of those what if's got me into. Then i get to that thankful mind frame.

Point is you are nothing less then what you are at this moment. Not what you could have been or what you dream to become. I have to remind myself of that sometimes, that i am just as important in this world and a gold selling artist, award winning teacher or what ever else i would have wish to become.

So in those moments that i have i smile at the thought of what once was, compared to what i have now. I have four beautiful sanity sucking handfuls that i love so very much, a 8 year marriage that is all a girl could ask for and that stay-at-home mom/homemaker lifestyle i always dreamed of. Some times you can still lose yourself in it all and that is when you have to pull back and just remember who you are. With out the children and the husband. What accomplishments you have achieved and what you have made of yourself.
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That is where i am at right know. Learning to accept my accomplishments for what they are and pat myself on the back. To relish in what i have become and understand its equal to everything i can at times hold above what i do on a day to day.

So i say now and i say it just this simple: I Am Proud Of Me!!!

3 comments:

  1. I bet you are a wonderful Mom! I know what you mean though, and I think we probably all do it ;) We do have to celebrate our accomplishments every now and then and remember how we got to be where we are today! Our kids make life so much more beautiful. I am your newest follower, looking forward to reading more.

    -Marci
    Balancingstilettosandscrubs.com

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  2. Thank-you for your honesty. You are not alone in your thoughts and struggles - I almost felt like you were describing me in your post! I am now following along and hope you may wish to do the same... we can encourage each other and make sure that we remain true to ourselves while being the best mums we can be to our little ones!
    Blessings,
    j
    www.beneaththeacaciatree.com

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  3. Being a mum is the hardest job in the world and one that we don't get any training for, I am sure you are doing a great job xx
    Helen
    -x-
    www.acraftykindoftruffle.blogspot.com

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